LICENSE TO KILL

Poffy The Cucumber

Revenge is best served Bond… James Bond goes rogue, on a vendetta to destroy the man who tried to kill his best friend. LICENSE TO KILL cold opens with a gag copied by Christopher Nolan himself in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012)! On the fly, James Bond hooks a biplane’s tail to a helicopter to drag it into custody, nose-down … Read More

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THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS

Poffy The Cucumber

Bringing the sexy back. James Bond 007 is back, with a savage demeanor, a rocket-shooting car, a KGB plot, an illegal arms deal, a beautiful blonde, an even more beautiful secretary, and a double double-cross. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS takes its title from Ian Fleming’s 14th book and final collection of Bond short stories published in 1966, Octopussy and The Living … Read More

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A VIEW TO A KILL

Poffy The Cucumber

A View To A Stuntman. 57-year-old Roger Moore finally ages out of the Bond franchise, in his seventh and final fling as James Bond 007 in A VIEW TO A KILL, a movie that could easily win the prize for The Stuntman Most Looking Not Like The Star. The title is from the Ian Fleming short story From a View … Read More

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OCTOPUSSY

Poffy The Cucumber

Eight times the vagina. James Bond was this close to being James Brolin. After five films as Bond, Roger Moore was ready to quit, he himself feeling that his age was becoming an untenable factor in the action-packed life of his playboy spy. After Moore’s previous film, FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, Albert “Cubby” Broccoli’s EON Productions went hunting for another … Read More

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FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

Poffy The Cucumber

A film that goes Greek on us… James Bond 007 retrieves a missile controller from a sunken British warship, and helps a Greek woman avenge her parents’ murder while trying to go Greek on her. In the cold open, we meet Bond (Roger Moore, 5th time) laying flowers on the grave of Teresa Bond, “Beloved Wife of James Bond. We … Read More

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THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

Poffy The Cucumber

Spy Sandwich. James Bond 007 joins forces with his Russian counterpart Agent XXX to stop a megalomaniac sinking civilization beneath the sea. THE SPY WHO LOVED ME is Roger Moore’s 3rd Bond movie (from Ian Fleming’s 10th Bond novel, publ. 1962), and we can see how Moore’s fans might have come to regard him as “better than Connery” with this … Read More

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THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN

Poffy The Cucumber

Moore suave, Moore sexual, Moore savage! Roger Moore slams into his second thrilling James Bond 007 actioner, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (from the 12th Bond novel by Ian Fleming, publ. 1965), targeted by the world’s most expensive hitman, who is plotting to hold the world hostage to the golden sun. Cold open on the million-dollar hitman, Scaramanga. (Christopher … Read More

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DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

Poffy The Cucumber

Stupid is as James Bond does. DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER is one of those movies where you can’t get over the stupid! This film makes us wonder whether author Ian Fleming ever plotted his novels so badly. We place half the blame on director Guy Hamilton, who brought us the turgid stupid of GOLDFINGER, and half the blame on screenwriter Richard … Read More

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ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE

Poffy The Cucumber

This never happened to the other fella… Bond versus Blofeld, who threatens to wipe out life on Earth – with a virus! (That word, that concept, has taken on different worlds of meaning in 2020!) In the cold open, the gun barrel graphic moves across screen, and a new Agent 007 bends to one knee to shoot at us! new … Read More

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THUNDERBALL

Poffy The Cucumber

Thunder-belles and Shirtless Sean! I lost track of how many women James Bond bangs in this movie. Is that why they call it THUNDERBALL? Truly, THUNDERBALL features the best-looking collective female cast of any Bond adventure! And there is not one standout beauty – they’re all stunners! The Blond Nurse, The Sisterly Agent, The Villain’s Naif, and The Redhead Slut. … Read More

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GOLDFINGER

Poffy The Cucumber

BUTTERFINGER, or, The Case For Firing 007. There are two mentions of “008” in GOLDFINGER. Are we being reminded of James Bond 007 being dispensable? Or is it because in this third outing (from the 7th Bond novel by Ian Fleming), Bond keeps proving how terrible he is at his job? Consider, from this film: how easy it is to … Read More

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FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

Poffy The Cucumber

From Russia With Leering. James Bond 007 returns in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (from Ian Fleming’s 5th Bond novel, publ. 1956), the first sequel to the first ever James Bond movie, DR. NO. And it is… uh… I don’t know how to break it to you Bond fans, but try to sit through this movie in 2016 and let me … Read More

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DR. NO

Poffy The Cucumber

Vote No on NO. It will always be a problem introducing the world to a new Bond. When Sean Connery was hired, it was a disaster because it wasn’t David Niven. – Barbara Broccoli. DR. NO takes a long time to get going. And by ‘get going’ I mean Ursula Andress in her granny-panty bikini. Back when chicks were called … Read More

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RANSOM

Poffy The Cucumber

Blow me the money. Mel Gibson is billionaire airline owner Tom Mullen, whose son gets kidnapped in RANSOM. Rather than play to the kidnappers’ ransom demands, Mullen’s status allows him to go on national TV to offer the 2-million dollars ransom money as reward for any info on his son’s kidnappers – the ransom money becomes bounty money! Serpentine Gary … Read More

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