Diamonds are endeavor. A megalomaniac designs a satellite to harness the sun’s power. And James Bond is there to rain on his parade. Cold Open Pretty Orange Explosion Zone: James Bond 007 (Pierce Brosnan, in his 4th and final turn as the superspy) surfs some rad waves into North Korea (reflecting the tenor of the times, no more Russians), infiltrating … Read More
THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
Rich people wanting richer. Another villain with a bomb. Another hero who must defuse it. That’s what the twisty confusing plot boils down to in the James Bond actioner THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH. The cold open features a rather tame, though humorous, escape for a Bond movie, as Bond easily rappels down an office building (tied around a man’s … Read More
GOLDENEYE
Out with the smug. In with the smugger. The codes of a destructive satellite named GOLDENEYE have been stolen by Russian traitors working with a British traitor, Agent 006, who plans to use Goldeneye’s electromagnetic pulses to cause a global financial meltdown. James Bond must defeat the stronger agent, thwart the runaway satellite, and bang the Russian hotness. new bond: … Read More
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
Order off the Menu. Nothing’s pulling the carriage, Harry. It’s pulling itself, like always… — Hermione, ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX reminds us of how Jor-El’s warnings to Krypton’s elders went unheeded, and how Krypton paid the price. In PHOENIX, the demon wizard Voldemort is back – but no one believes the people … Read More
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
Goblet-de-gook. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE continues the disjointed adventure of the world’s most famous boy wizard; not so much a feature film as a laundry list of tasks performed by two-dimensional characters, told with no logic, less motivation and lots and lots of not very special effects. It’s Magic! That’s great! Fuck you! It surely seems like … Read More
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
Azkabana-fo-fana. Harry Potter’s getting on to “that age.” At the opening of HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN, we meet him in bed under the blankets, playing with his wand. And Hermione is – how shall I say this without sounding as perverse as the rest of you who deny you’re looking? – budding… And Ron is still a … Read More
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
The Chamber of Feebness. The sequel to HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE, HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, continues the richly-layered story of young wizard Harry Potter and his friends in their second year at Hogwarts, the school for enunciating British kids. A monster awaits in a chamber of secrets and only Harry can defeat it using numerous … Read More
HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE
Hogwild at Hogwarts. You know that one obstinate guy in the world who hasn’t read any of the Harry Potter books? I’m that cucumber. Confession over, Movie Maniacs. Let’s see what this Harry Potter movie is all about… HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE, we meet young British boy-wizard Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe), and tag along as his eyes are … Read More
BRAVE
That hair! That hair! That hair!… What story? So this is what Rebekah Brooks did before she was personal assistant to media magnate and zombie apocalypser Rupert Murdoch. In the Pixar production BRAVE, Rebekah’s avatar Princess Merida is graced with ravenous lava locks so visually titillating it distracts viewers into lauding the movie as a modern classic. You lost me … Read More