THE BOURNE LEGACY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Bourne Non-Identity. Poor Jeremy Renner! First he takes a job as the least of THE AVENGERS, now he’s on a job as the least of the BOURNEs! He’s a good actor, he’s got charisma, he’s inshape, seems like a nice guy – but when will he get a break as a leading man? Jason Bourne IS Hawkeye! THE BOURNE … Read More

THE BOURNE SUPREMACY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bourne Again. In THE BOURNE SUPREMACY, Matt Damon IS (still) Jason Bourne. The superspy from THE BOURNE IDENTITY (2002) is STILL on the lam, from the people who STILL want him dead – his ex-employers STILL at the CIA. Even though they’ve almost forgotten him at the opening of this movie, he lays low in India with his Euro chick, … Read More

THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM

Poffy The Cucumber

Badass Bourne becomes Mild Matty. There’s that SOUTH PARK episode (Red Man’s Greed) with the Native Americans named Runs With Premise and Premise Wearing Thin. If THE BOURNE SUPREMACY (2004) was Runs With Premise, then THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM is Premise Wearing Thin. Another karate chop to the Spock Nerve, another car chase through crowded streets with no liability insurance, another … Read More

THE BOURNE IDENTITY

Poffy The Cucumber

Bourne To Do It. Batman and Steven Segal had a baby, and his name is Jason Bourne. At least, he thinks that’s his name. After being pulled unconscious from a European ocean, Jason Bourne (Matt Damon, with that overly concerned look on his face that signifies he’s Acting) awakens with a head-throbbing case of Selective Amnesia in THE BOURNE IDENTITY. … Read More