SPECTRE

Poffy The Cucumber

Same old Bond! What did you ex-spectre? James Bond 007 discovers the looming nemesis dogging his every move since he was in spy-nappies; the criminal organization for expensive suits and limited edition sportscars – SPECTRE! Daniel Craig, in his fourth outing as James Bond, looks old and makes me tired. French flamehair Léa Seydoux is Madeleine Swann, resident Bond Girl … Read More

SKYFALL

Poffy The Cucumber

Bond-fall. James Bond returns in SKYFALL – and is immediately killed… Trending in movies: heroes do not just fall – everything they know is compromised; everything that makes them a hero is called into question. They fall from the greatest height possible (is this the play on words in sky fall?), to make their rise all the more sexy (as … Read More

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

Poffy The Cucumber

Quorum of Stinkus. Stunt, stunt, stunt, crash. Stunt, stunt, stunt, crash. Explosion. QUANTUM OF SOLACE, directed by Marc Foster like a speed freak, and edited by Matt Chesse and Richard Pearson like a chicken fight in a monkey house, makes THE BOURNE IDENTITY look like MY DINNER WITH ANDRE. As I watched the opening car chase grind metal, and the … Read More

CASINO ROYALE 2006

Poffy The Cucumber

Old Spy, New World, Tight Arse. It will always be a problem introducing the world to a new Bond. When Sean Connery was hired, it was a disaster because it wasn’t David Niven. – Barbara Broccoli. International espionage will never be the same. It is now certifiably MAN-HOT. Craig. Daniel Craig. Last seen in London baking a LAYER CAKE (2004) … Read More