Survival of the Pillest. There’s a new black market pill on the streets of New Orleans. It’s called “power.” Gives you five minutes of a super power. But you don’t know what that power is until you take it. You might get super-strungth, become fast as a cheetah, or become invisible like a camouflaging chameleon. Or it might just blow … Read More
300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE
300: Rise of the Swoll. As Zack Snyder’s 300 covered the thrilling land battle of Sparta against Persia, Noam Murro’s 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE covers the concurrent sea battle. The boring sea battle. Oh, it still looks amazing, with the same ochre tint and album-cover pizzazz as Snyder’s epic, with that same filmic technique that lovingly embraces the crystalline … Read More
THE 33
Deep, dark and whitewashed. 33 men trapped in a mine, arguing over food, water, and who gets to negotiate the book deal. THE 33, a dramatization of the Chilean mine disaster of 2010, is a dichotomy of empathy and outrage. The pendulum swings hard both ways; firstly at the outrage of a mining corporation that would think so little of … Read More
RIO 2
Flocking dork and deceitful bitch road trip. Jesse Eisenberg has two speeds: superdork nebbish and fast-taking schemer. In RIO 2, he’s phoning it in as the former. Eisenberg returns as rare macaw parrot Blu, who is now married to his parrot love interest from RIO, Jewel (voice of Anne Hathaway), so there is a noticeable lack of the romantic frisson … Read More
THE LAST STAND
Arnold’s Back! And he’s… uh, just a guy. He conquered Thulsa Doom, hunted down a Predator and terminated Terminators. Now, Arnold Schwarzenegger faces his greatest foe – a Spanish guy in a sports car. In THE LAST STAND, Arnold is affable Sheriff Bloaty who runs the bucolic town Last Stop Before Freedom with a neighborly pat on the behind. It’s … Read More
RIO
Rio de Generic. Named RIO, one would expect a flashy, exuberant, carnivale dance-a-vale rainbow spectacle. One would be wrong. Rather, an uninvolving tale of a rare blue macaw and his intended mate on the run from poachers, while his owner and her soon-to-be mate try to track them down. Cue seen-it-a-million-times face. Jesse Eisenberg voices Blu the parrot, abandoned at … Read More
300
Body-shaved for Glory. That reminds me, I need to hit the gym. Some say 300 is as violent as Mel Gibson’s APOCALYPTO, but it’s not. 300 elevates violence to a new level – violence as art. Sure, APOCALYPTO and other movies that push the envelope on graphic pain could be construed as “art” – but only in 300 is the … Read More