THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS

Poffy The Cucumber

The Film That Stares Into Space. Your tax dollars at work. A few years ago, I read about the U.S. military exploring “paranormal combat techniques” in George W. Bush’s Fake War On Terror: using goats as test subjects, the Amerikan Military were trying to train soldiers to kill terrorists by staring at them to psychically stop their hearts. No, it’s … Read More

KILLERS

Poffy The Cucumber

Same story, different models. KILLERS was infinitely more exciting when it was called TRUE LIES. And it was funnier when it was called MR AND MRS SMITH. And didn’t someone just make this movie and call it KNIGHT AND DAY? The old gag about the woman not knowing her husband/ lover/ taut-abbed stranger is a spy. Ashton Kutcher is spy … Read More

17 AGAIN

Poffy The Cucumber

Teens and geeks and MILFs. Oh my! I’ve just gone teen-gay for Zac Efron! Before they send the teen-gay patrol to check my temperature with an anal thermometer, I have to add that 17 AGAIN (starring Efron) is a very stupid movie; not deliberately stupid like ACE VENTURA or BALLS OF FURY, but unwatchably stupid, like MONSTER-IN-LAW or GHOSTS OF … Read More

UP IN THE AIR

Poffy The Cucumber

Loner Class. UP IN THE AIR is that rare chick-centric movie that doesn’t make me want to vomit or slap someone. It is a story about love, but it’s not a Love Story; it’s a movie about romance, but it’s not a Romantic Movie; it takes us on a bucking and diving flight across the landscape of human emotions and … Read More

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST

Poffy The Cucumber

Ghost of Dickens Past turns in his grave. Many filmmakers still feel obligated to pay homage to the marriage and reproduction rituals of the mainstream culture. — Keay Davidson, Carl Sagan, A Life. Men, when you’re dragged by your fem-boss like the vagina-whipped pussy you’ve become, to see GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST, at least take solace in the film’s educative … Read More

REIGN OVER ME

Poffy The Cucumber

When Sandler’s good, he’s very good. (Did I just say that?) The words Adam Sandler and Acting don’t fit together well. In Mike Binder’s drama REIGN OVER ME, they – ulp! – do. Sandler is Charlie Fineman, an ex-dentist suffering Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after his family died in one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center. He has … Read More

THANK YOU FOR SMOKING

Poffy The Cucumber

Black Lung Satire. Aaron Eckhart has always deserved to play a role as ferociously incisive as this. THANK YOU FOR SMOKING fleshes his latent silver-tongued devil in the form of Nick Naylor, a spokesman for Big Tobacco; the type of guy who could sell ice to Eskimos in winter. Movie opens with Nick on one of those daytime talk shows … Read More