DESPICABLE ME 2

Poffy The Cucumber

Ain’t Quite Despicable. And that’s not good. Is it?… Ex-supervillain Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), now a family man with three adopted daughters and a host of minions to provide for, is called into service by the Anti-Villain League to help track down a new supervillain. The original 2010 animated feature DESPICABLE ME hit the world like a cute and … Read More

ROCK OF AGES

Poffy The Cucumber

Crock of Ages. My flesh was crawling so vividly during every minute of the mindless, sanitized, second-rate karaoke movie ROCK OF AGES that by the time it ended I was sitting in one seat and my flesh was four seats over. I would sincerely like to kick this movie to death. This whole concept is a MISTAKE. From the Broadway … Read More

ARTHUR 2011

Poffy The Cucumber

Lost between the Moon and New York City. The only way to enjoy ARTHUR (2011), the story of an alcoholic billionaire, is to be an alcoholic billionaire yourself. That way, your brain won’t sizzle with the fury of forced relinquishment of your tax dollars to thug corporate billionaires, who rewarded themselves for crashing the economy by giving themselves bonuses with … Read More

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL

Poffy The Cucumber

I’ve already forgotten. Forgettable romantic comedy about a jilted guy who takes a Hawaiian vacation alone to forget the girl who jilted him, only to find she is on the island, in the same hotel, ultimately in the room next door – with her new boyfriend. Beige, uncomfortable laughs ensue. Redeeming factors of FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL: Judd Apatow is producer, … Read More

DESPICABLE ME

Poffy The Cucumber

The Cute Face of Evil. Supercute, superfluffy and superevil, the CGI cartoon DESPICABLE ME follows ambiguously-continental, flamboyant do-badder Gru (Steve Carell, outdoing himself with the half-Transylvanian, half-Albanian accent) in his quest to be the Greatest Supervillain in the World. The theft of the Great Pyramid by New Villain on the Block, Vector (voiced by Jason Segel) spurs Gru to strive … Read More

GET HIM TO THE GREEK

Poffy The Cucumber

Going Greek: it only hurts if you’re sober. Drugs, bitches, rock stars, alcohol poisoning – geez! GET HIM TO THE GREEK is like one of my regular Tuesdays. In this Judd Apatow-produced road movie, Aaron Green (Jonah Hill, looking like a grounded zeppelin) has three days to get British rock legend Aldous Snow (Russell Brand, intensity of a charged defibrillator) from … Read More

BEDTIME STORIES

Poffy The Cucumber

Wish it into the Cornfield. Idiotic and contradictory messages fly at us like fart jokes in a movie bankrupt of ideas, which BEDTIME STORIES is. Without the fart jokes. Skeeter Bronson (Adam Sandler), a shiftless janitor, discovers while babysitting his sister’s (Courteney Cox) children, that the stories they make up at bedtime are actually coming true for him. Ever the … Read More