OBLIVION

Poffy The Cucumber

Oblivious to its progenitors? Up here in space / I’m looking down on you. My lasers trace / Everything you do. You think you’ve private lives – think nothing of the kind. There is no true escape – I’m watching all the time. I’m made of metal My circuits gleam. I am perpetual I keep the country clean. — Judas … Read More

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PROMETHEUS

Poffy The Cucumber

PROMETHEUS Unbound. Shattering sound design, knife-edge visuals, a cerebral maelstrom of startling concepts that will trail you home like vagabond dogs… PROMETHEUS, like the Greek god it is named for, descends on your shoulders with the fire of knowledge and, like the deity’s act of perdition, will leave you curs-ed that your wish was ever granted. Ridley Scott‘s PROMETHEUS, like … Read More

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FIREFLY

Poffy The Cucumber

Gorram good – once you get past the rutting cheapness. Am I that shallow? Do I only dig Nathan Fillion because he looks exactly like the great and powerful Gale Harold from QUEER AS FOLK? Yes, I am that shallow. Fillion is Captain Malcolm Reynolds, helming a “Firefly class” spaceship named Serenity, five hundred years in the future. And it … Read More

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OUTLAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Outland-ish. It’s HIGH NOON in space. Well, sort of. Well, not exactly. Well, not at all. HIGH NOON (1952) is about the dark side of human frailty. OUTLAND is about some space outlaws too stupid not to shoot their cowboy guns in a pressure dome. Director-writer Peter Hyams: he knows the “how” to make a film, he knows the “where” … Read More

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SKYLINE

Poffy The Cucumber

Invasion of the Puerile People Eaters. Not again! Aliens invade Los Angeles! And this time – they’re not Mexican. Hey, isn’t that the guy from SCRUBS? Donald Faison is a nuveau-riche movie star who sends for his best buds Eric Balfour to celebrate the spoils of fame – booze, babes and boats. The ride ends after just one par-TAY, as … Read More

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COSMOS

Poffy The Cucumber

The real Encyclopaedia Galactica. KNOWLEDGE! Not just physics, not just astronomy, not just biology, or philosophy or mathematics; knowledge from every strand of human endeavor. Astronomer Carl Sagan ties it all together in an immense library of congress called COSMOS. First broadcast on Public Broadcasting Service (PBS) in 1980, to date COSMOS is still the most widely watched PBS television … Read More

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PANDORUM

Poffy The Cucumber

Pablum-orum. PANDORUM is One Great Idea subsumed by all the bloodied action and trapped-in-space mayhem and frenzied filmstock required to hold a modern audience’s attention. But it frenzies up well, which accounts for its style-over-substance cucumber rating. Top-notch set design, direction, editing, all creating a claustrophobic impression of a star cruiser too long in space. Though PANDORUM is rife with … Read More

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A TRIP TO THE MOON

Poffy The Cucumber

A Trip by any other name – would be just as hallucinogenic. Well, someone was tripping when they made this. A TRIP TO THE MOON was directed and co-written by Frenchman Georges Méliès, the innovator who took the “moving pictures” to the next level during the birth of cinema. Arguably the first science fiction movie, one of the first to … Read More

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MOON

Poffy The Cucumber

Space Oddity. In 1969, two years before director Duncan Jones was born, David Bowie released the single, Space Oddity. 40 years later, Bowie’s son, Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones releases his own space oddity – the brilliant MOON, an intelligent, thoughtful, unsettling, dialogue-driven drama and the first true science fiction movie in a light year. “Commencing countdown, engines on…” This isn’t … Read More

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PLANET 51

Poffy The Cucumber

He who sips from many cups, drinks from none. The imitative art is an inferior who marries an inferior and has inferior offspring. — Plato, The Republic, Book X. Wow! A movie with NO original ideas! PLANET 51 is a glop of as many nudge-nudge wink-wink cultural references as cartoonly possible in an uninvolving 91-minute chase movie. Set on an … Read More

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STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

Poffy The Cucumber

Deeper Than Deep Space. Even as STAR TREK finds its warp stride with STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY, the franchise runs out of dilythium crystal. Alas, TREK VI would be the last TREK movie to feature the complete Original Cast; before the death of DeForest Kelley (1996), the death of James Doohan (2005), and the outing of George Takei … Read More

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STAR TREK: GENERATIONS

Poffy The Cucumber

Generation Pap. The Death of Kirk! You know these filmmakers are going to hell for this, right? STAR TREK: GENERATIONS was meant to showcase the TREK TV spinoff, THE NEXT GENERATION; instead, the singular event on all our minds is how Kirk is going to eat it. The Original Series fans would dread the moment, yet obsessively study it with … Read More

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DISTRICT 9

Poffy The Cucumber

A Closer Encounter. Cry about the simple hell people give other people–without even thinking. Cry about the hell white people give colored folks, without even stopping to think that they’re people too. — Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird. It lacks the epic majesty of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, the wonderment of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, the cloying fear of ALIEN, the … Read More

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STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Poffy The Cucumber

The Final Affront Here. Shatner directs! Oh, what a marvelous disaster! From Shatner’s book, Star Trek Movie Memories, we read about Shatner’s grandiloquent vision for the greatest TREK adventure of all – the search for God Itself! The Final Frontier! We learn of the hordes of barbarians at the gate, of the ten Rock Men finale; of the sweeping alien … Read More

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STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

Poffy The Cucumber

The Search for Plot. The rumors of his death have been greatly exaggerated. It was a fantastic climax, bringing tears to the eyes of Terrans and Vulcans alike, as Spock bad his final farewell through perspex, busting his Live Long and Prosper sign while face to face with his lifelong friend whom he could not touch, radiation eating at his … Read More

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STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE

Poffy The Cucumber

Attack of The Motionless Picture. I read Kirk’s book. Laden with anecdotes from the making of seven STAR TREK movies, William Shatner’s Star Trek Movie Memories (co-author, Chris Kenski), is – alas – light years more entertaining than the movies it describes. Shatner’s candor and dry wit propels Movie Memories like the warp drive on his vaunted Enterprise chariot. Alas, … Read More

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STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Yes We Khaaaaan! Can we find anyone in the galaxy who can chew more cheese onscreen than James Tiberius Kirk? Yes We Khan! In STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN, Ricardo Montalban (as Khan Noonien Singh) joins the regular cast of three actors (Shatner, Nimoy, Kelley) and four extras posing as actors (Doohan, Takei, Koenig, Nichols) in the feature … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE VI – RETURN OF THE JEDI

Poffy The Cucumber

The Jedi Mind(less) Trick. Another day. Another Death Star. In the last of the STAR WARS hexology, the Galactic Empire has returned with another planet-sized space station to terrorize the galaxy. And the Rebel Alliance has returned to break it. The Jedi Knights have returned as well, with Luke Skywalker continuing the legacy of the humorless old farts by dressing … Read More

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STAR TREK 2009

Poffy The Cucumber

All-New, All-Improved, Same-ole Same ole. If this don’t keep the fanboys happy, nothin’ will.How do you approach a movie as sodden in mythos as the STAR TREK franchise? The approach must be as trepidatious for film makers as it is for geekboys and weekend viewers alike. Every inch of a production under the STAR TREK aegis would reek of esoterica … Read More

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STAR WARS: EPISODE I – THE PHANTOM MENACE

Poffy The Cucumber

A Legend Unravels… Twenty years ago, I liked Michael Jackson. Everyone did. Twenty years ago, I liked STAR WARS. Everyone did. Look what happened to Michael Jackson. Look what happened to STAR WARS. Both these entities were done in NOT by lack of funding, backstabbing competitors or unbalanced advisors. Ironically, they brought their downfalls on themselves through a surfeit of … Read More

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