SECRETARY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Love That Dares Speak Its Name. I like the little way the line runs up the back of the stockings… — David Lee Roth, “Everybody Wants Some.” BONDAGE: Her neck cuffed with a steel horizontal bar, her arms cuffed outstretched to that bar, in crucifixion position – while performing office duties. DISCIPLINE: Lean her over the desk and spank … Read More

WATCHMEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair! And the fanboys whine like bitches. The “unfilmable” graphic novel, WATCHMEN – has been filmed! Cry the beloved comicbook and let slip the dogs of nihilism. WATCHMEN is epic and sexy and bloody; sensual and visceral and brutal; more than a comicbook, more than a messianic cry of madness; flamboyant costumed heroes, … Read More

SHOOT ‘EM UP

Poffy The Cucumber

Love it. Hate it. You won’t fall asleep. I mean, really! How sensible do you think a movie called SHOOT ‘EM UP could possibly be? Just sit back and enjoy Clive Owen in his natural habitat (factory streets grimier than Guy Ritchie could possibly imagine), in his usual plumage (Hard Guy Long Overcoat, perpetual five o’clock shadow), plying his chosen … Read More

THE FOUNTAIN

Poffy The Cucumber

Doubtin’ The Fountain. Raving beauty, rabid camera angling and startlingly somber performances almost save this movie from its own convoluted and ambitious storyline spiraling down the artsy-fartsy toilet. The trailers for THE FOUNTAIN were extremely well done and conveyed the hero (Hugh Jackman) as traveling through time, pursuing his true love across the ages (Rachel Weisz) – then I watched … Read More

300

Poffy The Cucumber

Body-shaved for Glory. That reminds me, I need to hit the gym. Some say 300 is as violent as Mel Gibson’s APOCALYPTO, but it’s not. 300 elevates violence to a new level – violence as art. Sure, APOCALYPTO and other movies that push the envelope on graphic pain could be construed as “art” – but only in 300 is the … Read More