Survival of the Pillest. There’s a new black market pill on the streets of New Orleans. It’s called “power.” Gives you five minutes of a super power. But you don’t know what that power is until you take it. You might get super-strungth, become fast as a cheetah, or become invisible like a camouflaging chameleon. Or it might just blow … Read More
Should I Bats or should I go? A decade after retiring, Batman has returned to Gotham. So has The Joker. A new police commissioner wants Batman arrested. And the president wants Batman dead – enlisting the aid of Superman. BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS – PART 2 concludes the epic journey of Bruce Wayne/Batman (voiced by Peter Weller) in his … Read More
A Chinful Of Knight. Published in 1986, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns was a watershed moment for The Batman. After a ten-year absence, a 55-year-old Batman returns to fight spiraling crime, though fiercer criminals and simple old age threatens to stultify his efforts to redeem Gotham. And then there’s the problem of exorcising his own demons that made him … Read More
The joke’s on us. The Joker (voiced by Mark Hamill) intends to prove once and for all that even the most stable person is merely “one bad day” away from madness, so kidnaps Commissioner Gordon whilst maiming his daughter Barbara in front of him, and runs the Commissioner through a gamut of torture designed to tip him into lunacy, thus … Read More
Wanna know how I got these (O)scars?… Joaquin Phoenix is unpredictable, funny, disturbing, and when you meet him, he might just kill you. In JOKER, he won the 2020 Oscar and Golden Globe for Best Actor… But was he really acting? JOKER, like STEPHEN KING’S IT, shows clowns for what they really are: insecure, unbalanced, traumatized sociopaths. Again, was Joaquin … Read More
Deus ex Marvela. The Elevator Pitch: “Think: BACK TO THE FUTURE meets STAR TREK IV – the Avengers travel back in time, to retrieve these McGuffins in the past that will fix things in the present.” And producer Kevin Feige asked, “Can it be wacky, like in BACK TO THE FUTURE where they’re sneaking around their past selves and suddenly … Read More
Shield us from this movie! They tried to fix Captain America in 1990. And failed a third time. During WWII, a young man named Steve Rogers is transformed into “Code Name: Captain America” through super soldier serum. Wearing a costume that looks suspiciously like my dominatrix’s bondage-rubber piss-suit, he battles a Nazi created with the same serum called the Red … Read More
The screen’s first super man. Uttering the mystical word, “SHAZAM!” young Billy Batson becomes the mighty Captain Marvel, using super powers to aid his archaeological expedition in fending off a villain called The Scorpion. It’s the world’s first superhero movie, with the world’s first comicbook superhero – Captain Marve—hang on a sec!—Isn’t Superman the world’s first comicbook superhero?! Yes, but … Read More
A kinetic new vision for the next generation of man-spider fans. Much like THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE is simultaneously ensconced in, and standing apart from, the Cinematic Universe its titular character inhabits, roaming freely in any entertaining direction it fancies, combining, referencing and cross-pollinating canon from its 56-year spectrum of spider-comics and spider-movie lore. As if … Read More
GLASS shatters… expectations! It’s like – broken glass; You get cut before you see it, So open up your eyes!… — Ronnie James Dio, “Stand Up And Shout” Things don’t always turn out the way you want them to, chillun! Not even for superheroes… The three protagonists from two previous M. Night Shyamalan thrillers gravitate toward one another like atoms … Read More
Will make you wet. AQUAMAN graduates to jewel of the DC Comics universe, as it finds a perfect mix of action, humor, sex and surf. An American screenwriter’s dream come true, for its fishy foreshadowing and porpoiseful payoffs (couldn’t resist!); an origin story and a high sea adventure, an undersea war and a touching family redemption. It’s got everything, from … Read More
Oh Captain, Why Captain? No super soldier serum, no World War II, no wings on his cowl, no military experience, no Steve Rogers – NO SHIELD! Is this even Captain America? In this 1944 15-part serial for Republic Pictures, the titular American superhero battles a villain called The Scarab, who dabbles in mind-control, and wants to get his hands on … Read More
Quantum Cop-Out! ANT-MAN AND THE WASP cops out on its grandest concept – the quantum realm! In ANT-MAN (2015), Dr. Hank Pym warned Ant-Man not to turn off his regulator, for fear of shrinking too small and entering the Quantum Realm, “…where all concepts of time and space become irrelevant as you shrink for all eternity.” The key phrase – … Read More
Ants with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Who woulda thought OUR IDIOT BROTHER would become a superhero? Paul Rudd is the eminently likable yet totally miscast lead in Marvel’s ANT-MAN, a movie with excitement as small as its titular hero. Master electrician and not-so-master burglar Scott Lang (Rudd) is recruited by reputable scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) to … Read More
The Mundane Magic of Marvel. Everyone dies. The End. Audience gape in shock as Star-Lord fade to ashes [ooo-spoilers!], gnash their teeth when T’Challa float away on breeze, cry in anguish as Spider-Man say, “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good…” But all we have to do is glance at imdb to see that sequels to GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, … Read More
Comedy of Errors. THOR: RAGNAROK finds almighty Asgard, the Realm of the Gods, annihilated, as foretold by prophecy older than time. Oh, and Thor becomes a standup comedian. Bathos, noun: an abrupt and often ludicrous transition from the elevated to the ordinary; the sudden appearance of the commonplace in otherwise elevated matter or style. — Google dictionary. In the most … Read More
Black EmPantherment. “Millions of years ago,” Movie narrates to us, “a special effects meteorite made of vibranium – the strongest substance in the universe – struck the special effects continent of Africa. Five special effects arms rise from the soil to represent the Five Tribes that would form the special effects country of Wakanda. A special effects panther god named … Read More
Fruiterman! Superman must defeat his greatest arch-enemy, Luthor, and constantly save the only two people in the world, Lois and Jimmy. ATOM MAN VS. SUPERMAN is a 15-part Columbia serial, directed by Spencer Bennet (who also directed the precursor serial, SUPERMAN, in 1948, and also helmed Columbia’s other superhero property, BATMAN AND ROBIN, in 1949). As with all the Columbia … Read More
It’s Knobberin’ Time! Four scientist friends are bathed in the rays of a meteor and attain fantastic powers, none of which was the power to say no to appearing in this dungheap film. FANTASTIC FOUR is a contractual mishap, hurriedly made so that Constantin Film could retain the rights to the Fantastic Four comicbook characters from Marvel Comics. Marvel, in … Read More
Wholly Mole-y. The first feature-length DC Comics superhero film, SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE-MEN is a theatrical pilot for the ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN television series. Starring George Reeves as Superman/Clark Kent and Phyllis Coates as Lois Lane, MOLE-MEN, hampered by low budget and second-rate writing and direction, is a snoozefest, with a social message of tolerance that is no doubt lost … Read More