SHARKNADO 5: GLOBAL SWARMING

Poffy The Cucumber

Shit-nado. SHARKNADO rained sharks on Los Angeles; SHARKNADO 2 rained sharks on New York; SHARKNADO 3 swamped the White House reign; SHARKNADO 4 made it rain in Las Vegas… and SHARKNADO 5 shits all over the world. Literally and figuratively. SHARKNADO 5 finds shark-slayer Fin (Ian Ziering) and his cyborg wife April (Tara Reid), chasing down a sharknado that has … Read More

SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

Poffy The Cucumber

‘Tard-nado. When Gary Busey is the smartest person in your movie, you’ve got a real fucken problem. Busey is scientist Dr. Loosedentures in SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS, the fourth film in a franchise which should be expunged from filmic archives with extreme prejudice for systematically dismantling the intelligence of an American population that is already teetering on the edge of … Read More

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!

Poffy The Cucumber

Trumpeting Incompetence. When David Hasselhoff is the best actor in your movie, you’ve got a real fucken problem. Clearly preempting a suitable title for any review, SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! takes all that is good about movie-making and science and acting, and shit-squirts it up against the wall like dysentery. Director Anthony C. Ferrante and writer Thunder Levin got … Read More

SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Just when you thought it was safe to get blown… Yeah, it sucks – but it was meant to suck. — Jon Stewart, THE DAILY SHOW. SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE is one of the stupidest movies you will ever see. Yet from a moviemaking, storytelling point of view, it is actually better than its original. My God! Does this … Read More

SHARKNADO

Poffy The Cucumber

Shark Sandwich. The human race is not worth saving. I’m sure of that now. Not just because SHARKNADO was made in the first place – a non-budget TV movie on the SyFy Channel about sharks being swept up in a tornado and raining down on Los Angeles – but that it somehow spiked in Tweets one night and cable news … Read More

THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Poffy The Cucumber

The Book of Duderonemy. All The Dude ever wanted was his rug back. –The Dude, THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Thus it begins. Two low-rent thugs mistakenly terrorize shiftless stoner Jeff Lebowski (aka The Dude) instead of the rich mark they were meant to threaten, also named Lebowski. They pee on The Dude’s rug for good measure, precipitating the rug’s demise. That … Read More