MALEFICENT

Poffy The Cucumber

Malevolent CGI and Magnificent Stupidity. MALEFICENT is the story of Sleeping Beauty. Told from the point of view of the evil fairy. And you know what? She’s not evil. First of all, I think this movie is trying to hurt our corneas. Does the CGI have to cover every single color in the visible light and ultraviolent spectrum so loudly? … Read More

SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

Poffy The Cucumber

Madness disguised by innocence and mind-blowing cartooning. Like all women, the insecure queen has self esteem issues, constantly chittering about being the “fairest one of all.” And she is also a shapeshifter. Excuse me for nitpicking, but if you can shapeshift, why not transmute into a more beautiful woman? But then she still has to contend with the fickleness of … Read More