Poffy’s ODE to | Teresa Palmer

Poffy The Cucumber

Oh, superblond Teresa Palmer My love for you has reached critical mass Knowing that you can kick my ass. It’s just karma That I crave your pajama Like a farmer. Was there drama When you voted Obama To stop Big Pharma? Let us eat shawarma On my llama Like Jeffrey Dahmer. There’s no harm-a And I’ll be calmer When you … Read More

I AM NUMBER FOUR

Poffy The Cucumber

NUMBER FOUR is number two. Like a turd falling from the sky and hitting every branch of the Cliché Tree on the way down, I AM NUMBER FOUR dumps on us by way of TWILIGHT and the Uncanny X-Men. And every other superhero/teen/action/alien movie it can possibly steal from. A couple of sexy aliens are fugitives on Earth from a … Read More

BEDTIME STORIES

Poffy The Cucumber

Wish it into the Cornfield. Idiotic and contradictory messages fly at us like fart jokes in a movie bankrupt of ideas, which BEDTIME STORIES is. Without the fart jokes. Skeeter Bronson (Adam Sandler), a shiftless janitor, discovers while babysitting his sister’s (Courteney Cox) children, that the stories they make up at bedtime are actually coming true for him. Ever the … Read More