GODZILLA 1998

Poffy The Cucumber

Milli Godzilli. Godzilla takes a bite out of The Big Apple. And Ferris Bueller is there to stop him. After Japan’s Toho Company killed off its greatest property in 1995’s GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH, TriStar Pictures sought to fill the vacuum with its own American Godzilla that would blow the Japanese version out of the water, by utilizing state-of-the-art CGI visual … Read More

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THE LONE RANGER 2013

Poffy The Cucumber

 A stranger Ranger. The Lone Ranger (in radio, television and film) has made Gioachino Rossini’s galloping theme so famous that the term “intellectual” has been defined as “a man who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” — Wikipedia. No one’s a stranger to the Ranger. Popular in entertainment media since the 1930s, if … Read More

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

Poffy The Cucumber

Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum Diary. Here we are now! Entertain us! — Nirvana, “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” So I’m sitting there wondering how another PIRATES movie could have the audacity to rear its skull and crossbones, let alone Johnny Depp reprising his transvestite role yet again with any shred of interest from either him or the … Read More

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Poffy The Cucumber

Shiver me fey timbers. Johnny Depp as some kind of transvestite, in a swinging, swordfighting fey-quest over the high seas of The Caribbean, with Orlando Bloom as his blacksmith girlfriend, and Geoffrey Rush as a grumpy old man in a Halloween pirate costume. Keira Knightley’s square man-jaw causes untold distraction; Jonathan Pryce gads about in a wig slightly smaller than … Read More

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NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS

Poffy The Cucumber

I’m going to take a Treasure Bath! For all its contrived clue-solving and annoying coincidences and tiresome car chases, and even Nicolas Cage‘s mourning face, NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS is a lot of fun. Maybe producer Jerry Bruckheimer had something to do with the fact we can hardly take a breath before the next relentless action sequence derived from … Read More

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END

Poffy The Cucumber

Jack-ing the Sparrow. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END: a whole lotta something that ends up a whole lotta nothing. Director Gore Verbinski puts so much effort into this summer blockbuster that it boggles the rational part of the brain – look at that cinematography, look at that set dressing, look at that costuming and attention to detail on … Read More

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST

Poffy The Cucumber

Captain Jack will get you high tonight… PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST is pure ham and cheese. Lots of sauce. Lots of dressing. Hold the onions. Director Gore Verbinski‘s sequel to his PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (2003) is a spectacle to behold, a hedonistic bombast of swashbuckling high-sea hijinks, sun-seared tropical environs, … Read More

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