DADDY’S HOME 2015

Poffy The Cucumber

Alpha versus Alfalfa. Milquetoast step-dad versus alpha-male real dad. In a battle to the PG-13 reconciliation. What did you expect? If ever there was a movie begging to be R-rated, and missing many comic opportunities for its vanilla rating, DADDY’S HOME is it. Will Ferrell is Brad, the step-dad trying to connect with two step-kids. He unconditionally loves being their … Read More

JOHN CARTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Big Green Men. Barsoom. That’s what they should have called this movie. Barsoom – the name the Martian natives call their planet. Barsoom – the tale of a reluctant Earth soldier transported to Mars, who embraces his role as a warrior leader in a civil war between two Martian tribes. (The fact that an hourglass-shaped princess is making Martian eyes … Read More

EASY A

Poffy The Cucumber

THE SCARLET LETTER for Generation Nerd. How quaint: Emma Stone pastes a letter ‘A’ onto her A-cups. Drawing heavily on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, EASY A brings the 17th century pariah adulteress into modern times, setting the story in an American high school, where outcast Olive (Stone) does a favor for a gay nerd at her school by pretending … Read More

ALL ABOUT STEVE

Poffy The Cucumber

These Boots Are Made For Stalkin.’ Sandra Bullock is sexually frustrated, lonely and crazy. Oh, and in this movie, she plays a sexually frustrated, lonely, crazy spinster named Mary Horowitz, a cruciverbalist (crossword puzzle creator) for a local paper, with a penchant for red leather fuck-me boots, so anal-retentive and uptight that when her editor tells her to be normal, … Read More

TOMBSTONE

Poffy The Cucumber

When The West Was Huckleberry. The PULP FICTION of westerns, with its vivid dialogue and firestorm set pieces, TOMBSTONE roars like a stallion on steel hooves, in a hail of Peacemaker gunfire and very real handlebar moustachios. TOMBSTONE is another retelling of the infamous Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, but presented in such an epic, revisionist manner that the ill-fated … Read More

SPIDER-MAN 3

Poffy The Cucumber

Really Swingin’. What an adventure! SPIDER-MAN 3 is a swingin’ soiree; a chill-er thriller ladykiller that tops both its previous incarnations with smooth-headed, web-spangling adventure and vibrant, flesh-colored emotion. Heroes tainted by evil, villains infused with poignancy, lovers circling in triangles and Topher Grace as the meanest metrosexual this side of AMERICAN IDOL. Writer-director Sam Raimi bats it out of … Read More

OVER THE HEDGE

Poffy The Cucumber

Die Hard With A Woodland Critter Vengeance. It is a pity that the quality of the storyline of these modern 3D animation features does not always match the level of talent that goes into their animation. OVER THE HEDGE uses the most modern computer technology to animate the most ancient of storylines: lone racketeer cons group of patsies into doing … Read More

SPANGLISH

Poffy The Cucumber

Renaissance Sandler. STOP THE PRESSES: Adam Sandler can act! In a stunning demonstration of “playing against type,” Boy Sandler actually portrays a Real Human in SPANGLISH – a well-rounded, successful husband and father, as far removed from any of his other roles as Rob Schneider is from comedy. Playing noted chef John Clasky, replete with neurotically-fit bombshell spouse (Téa Leoni, … Read More

3000 MILES TO GRACELAND

Poffy The Cucumber

Another Nail In The King’s Coffin. Obvious from the outset that this Clambake would be a shameless Hollywood glam-scam, wise men say only fools rush in – and Kurt Russell, the best Elvis of all time (well, uh, besides the real one…) – gets himself into Double Trouble by donning this cape. A-uh-huh. Poster, slogan and title of 3000 MILES … Read More