Elvis: The Man, The Legend, The Manager? Baz Luhrmann’s ELVIS crams the rise and fall of rock ‘n roll legend Elvis Presley into a questionable biopic – because it’s told from the POV of his manager! Tom Hanks (under obese makeup) plays Colonel Tom Parker, the enigmatic manager who shepherded Elvis into the stratosphere, in an astounding performance only slightly … Read More
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS
Captains Courageous… or not. CAPTAIN PHILLIPS details the real-life hijacking of the freighter ship Maersk Alabama by Somali pirates on April 8, 2009, and how its captain was taken hostage. And gaslights him into an undeserving hero. Amongst his own officers, opinion was that the real Captain Richard Phillips was an arrogant, self-righteous prick. He was no selfless hero. So … Read More
BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM: DELIVERY OF PRODIGIOUS BRIBE TO AMERICAN REGIME FOR MAKE BENEFIT ONCE GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
For Make Benefit of US&A. I was terrified that if Trump got in again, that America would be a democracy in name only… I felt very clearly from the start of the last administration that we were heading towards authoritarianism. And so I felt I had to do something. — Sacha Baron Cohen The moral of this story: You fuck … Read More
SULLY
Glide to Glory. No one warned us. No one said you are going to lose both engines at a lower altitude than any jet in history… This was dual engine loss at twenty-eight-hundred feet, followed by immediate water landing with 155 souls onboard. No one has ever trained for an incident like that. No one. — Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger. … Read More
THE RUTLES 2: CAN’T BUY ME LUNCH
I’m looking through you, You’re not the same. A fun retelling/revisiting the legend of The Rutles and their trousers. THE RUTLES 2: CAN’T BUY ME LUNCH is pieced together from outtakes of THE RUTLES (1978) and new talking head footage compiled by Eric Idle. And it shows. Playing his same Interviewer character from the previous film 26 years ago, a … Read More
SNL 40
Celebrating 40 Years of Stunning Mediocrity. The American comedy institution SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE continues its tradition of not being funny, by throwing a 40th Anniversary Special and not being funny. SNL 40 is not only Not Funny, it’s embarrassing, pathetic and painful. Why do these people put themselves through this? Why do they put US through this? Why do audiences … Read More
SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
SLEEPLESS will put you to sleep. Sleepless in Seattle? Must be from all that grunge music you kids are listening to. The macro, self-aware message in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE is in the scene where characters measure the emotional impact of 1957’s AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER against the parachuting scene in THE DIRTY DOZEN where Trini Lopez breaks his neck. It’s … Read More
YOU’VE GOT MAIL
You’ve Got Fail. There’s nothing like a good romance. And YOU’VE GOT MAIL is nothing like a good romance. You see, it’s trying to sell us “romance” via e-mail. And the very nature of electronic mail – digitization, depersonalization – removes the elements that romance is built upon. Writer-director Nora Ephron has taken an old story (Ernst Lubitsch’s THE SHOP … Read More
CLOUD ATLAS
Cloudy with a chance of Atlas. CLOUD ATLAS is six incredibly evocative movies mashed together to make one incredibly annoying one. It’s bolder than most movies, bigger than most, intelligent and well-produced, with epic sweep across past, present and future societies, with grandiose performances, seamless effects and what seems like a million hanging threads – until we realize CLOUD ATLAS is … Read More
THE LADYKILLERS 2004
Killer me saucy. A farcical heist movie, with quirky characters, sharp, dark storyline and dialogue so delicious you can feed your cat with it. It’s not describing a suave Bond-type; the title of this movie is literal – but easier said than done. THE LADYKILLERS follows confidence man Professor G.H. Dorr (Tom Hanks in the sauciest, most enunciated performance of … Read More
TOY STORY 3
A decade later, we’re still a bunch of kids. After all the hype for TOY STORY 3, it should give me an actual buzz and an actual woody. — Bill Maher, REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER, June 2010 Is it the best TOY STORY ever? Well, that’s subjective as a pudding bear on Tuesday, but TOY STORY 3 is another … Read More
TOY STORY 2
Toying with our emotions. One of the best-reviewed sequels of all time, TOY STORY 2 continues the tale of the toys from Andy’s room, adding a few characters, upping the chase ante and breaking our hearts with animated toys that are better actors than people. Cowboy Woody (voice of Tom Hanks) is stolen by Al the toy collector (Wayne Knight, … Read More
SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
A Spielberg fantasy done horribly right. What if the United States Military actually possessed a shred of decency and humanity? Shyeh! What if. In SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, the people who type the “Sorry Your Son’s Dead” letters for the Warmongers Who Send Sons Off To Die notice that three letters are addressed to the Ryan family of Anytown USA. Seems … Read More
PHILADELPHIA
Lawyers cutting back door deals. Let’s face it – Tom Hanks probably caught AIDS at that BACHELOR PARTY. In PHILADELPHIA, Hanks is Andrew Beckett, a young gay lawyer (not pejoratively, as in “all lawyers are gay” – literally). His life is good; his law firm entrusts him with a primo case and brings him into the bigwig fold of Conservative … Read More
ANGELS AND DEMONS
Dopey Popey. Another fine mess the Catholic Church has gotten us into! Tom Hanks returns in ANGELS & DEMONS as Robert Langdon, atheist symbologist from THE DA VINCI CODE (2006), a little trimmer, a little wiser, a little more action man and a little less Vitruvian Man. The Pope has just died and the archbishops next in line to be … Read More
CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
Owned By His Own War. Before George H.W. Bush sold weapons to Saddam, before Ronald Reagan sold weapons to Iran, before George W. Bush lost 190,000 guns in Iraq – there was Tom Hanks, selling weapons to the Mujahedeen. A splinter group of the Mujahedeen would later become the Taliban. Thanks again, American Politicians. In the Mike Nichols-directed political intriguer, … Read More
THE DA VINCI CODE
The Gospel According to Fluke. Christians are a gutless lot. Whenever a new fiction dares question their established fiction, they turn into the very backbiting, provincial bigots they accuse everyone else of being. The “new” fiction is Dan Brown‘s novel, The Da Vinci Code. The “established” fiction is How to Murder with Impunity, otherwise known as Common Sense for Dummies, … Read More
TOY STORY
Plastic Fantastic. Y’know, I always suspected my toys were coming to life when I wasn’t looking! In TOY STORY, young Andy’s toys lead lives of noisy desperation come every birthday and Christmas – no one wants to be one-upped by a new addition to the toy box. Led by Cowboy Woody (there’s a BROKEBACK joke just waiting to happen), Mr. … Read More
JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO
Sacrificial Ham. During JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO, Tom Hanks’s head took out a restraining order on his hairstyle. His head won the case, which is why halfway through the film, Hanks sports a halfway decent ‘do – the old hairstyle finding a home on Whitney Houston’s head, of which Houston is still unaware. Diagnosed with a “brain cloud” which leaves … Read More
CAST AWAY
A Breath Of Fresh Island Air. Chuck Noland (plump Tom Hanks), inextricably married to his time-sensitive, nerve-fraying job as a FedEx consultant, rather than to his quietly-suffering fiancé Kelly (Helen Hunt), finds himself suddenly and unceremoniously negated from Civilization’s jetstream when a plane crash leaves him Stranded On A Desert Island. CAST AWAY seems to be nothing new: we’ve seen … Read More
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