CANDYMAN

Poffy The Cucumber

Bad movie with a good hook. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Candyman. Say it five times into a mirror and Candyman appears to kill you. Unless you’re Virginia Madsen. Madsen is Helen, doing a thesis on urban legends. She is told the Candyman myth – of the tall, black, gravel-voiced phastasm, with a hook for a hand and a pimpin’ longcoat, … Read More

THE PROPHECY: FORSAKEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Hells to the No. Again with the boasting: “I could whisper a suggestion and have you step in front of a subway train, I could force a neighbor to hurl you down a flight of stairs. I can put a baby in your belly that would rip its way out of your womb in three days–” Okay, I wanna see … Read More

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Poffy The Cucumber

The PC-vs-Mac wars escalate. Well, what did you expect? If there is such a thing as “too many effects,” this movie has too many effects for TEN movies. Effects effects effects, for the love of God, effects. Just for the sake of effects. And then for the love of God, more effects. Stir. Vomit. Michael Bay directs TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF … Read More