THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN 2016

Poffy The Cucumber

The Magnificent Minorities. Denzel Washington leads his black, brown, red and yellow gunslingers in cleaning up the Old West. Kinda like how black, brown, red and yellow people are still cleaning up the Modern Alt-West. In THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, director Antoine Fuqua, praying at the altar of Kurosawa, Leone and Eastwood, crafts a majestic modern take on this paean to … Read More

RUN ALL NIGHT

Poffy The Cucumber

When street cred meets father figure. RUN ALL NIGHT is the gritty twat-eating hardass badboy movie Liam Neeson makes when he’s not making other gritty twat-eating hardass badboy movies. The difference between this and his other gritty twat-eating hardass badboy movies – is its heart. For a movie most concerned with shooting and running and trying to impress us with … Read More

JURASSIC WORLD

Poffy The Cucumber

Indominus Wrecks. Raptor wrangler Owen says it perfectly, when Jurassic World supervisor Claire tells him they’ve created a new dinosaur artificially, “Corporate felt genetic modification would up the wow factor.” Owen replies, “They’re dinosaurs – wow enough.” In trying to flex their rex, JURASSIC WORLD jumps the shark. Owen’s summation is the perfect metaphor for this movie. The original Crichton-penned/Spielberg-directed … Read More

JFK

Poffy The Cucumber

Conspiracy Clearly. To sin by silence when we should protest, makes cowards out of men. –Ella Wheeler Wilcox. When it comes to 9-11, or John F. Kennedy, or Jesus Christ, no one cares what you think. They know what they know. And no one’s gonna tell ’em otherwise. Oliver Stone doesn’t care what you think. He directs JFK with the … Read More

SINISTER

Poffy The Cucumber

Ghouls on Film. How ’bout turning on a freakin’ light?! SINISTER is a well-made and effective horror movie, so we expect a certain amount of darkness, metaphorically and literally, but has anyone heard of Thomas Alva Edison around here? Formulated the modern electric light bulb in 1879 – and I’m sure the Department of Water and Power is pumping that … Read More