THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Poffy The Cucumber

Bloody Awesome. I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. – Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis), THERE WILL BE BLOOD. In the words of Jack’s Joker, “I like him already.” Yet I fear him like I’ve feared no other man. Speaking of Jokers, Daniel Day-Lewis is probably the only person on Earth who could replace Heath Ledger in a … Read More

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TOMBSTONE

Poffy The Cucumber

When The West Was Huckleberry. The PULP FICTION of westerns, with its vivid dialogue and firestorm set pieces, TOMBSTONE roars like a stallion on steel hooves, in a hail of Peacemaker gunfire and very real handlebar moustachios. TOMBSTONE is another retelling of the infamous Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, but presented in such an epic, revisionist manner that the ill-fated … Read More

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HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER

Poffy The Cucumber

High Pains Grifter. John Wayne didn’t like HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER and let me know it. He wrote me a letter putting it down, saying it was not The West. I was trying to get away from what he and Gary Cooper and others had done. — Clint Eastwood. Dee Barton’s ominous score heralds an angel of death materializing from the … Read More

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UNFORGIVEN

Poffy The Cucumber

Let’s get one thing straight: There are those uneducated few of this Earth who contend that UNFORGIVEN is merely a “boring western.” Rest assured I am systematically hunting down these deviants and canceling their membership to Blockbuster Video – permanently. If you know what I mean. If you are one these few – remember, I am watching you. And I … Read More

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APACHE

Poffy The Cucumber

Corn-y Apache. APACHE: yet another grandiose insult to the Native American people, pretending in its own racist way to be a tribute. To watch the original trailer for APACHE, one would think it is about Apache Massai (Burt Lancaster) waging war on the White Eyes against their snide peace treaties to the Native Americans. It fails to mention how White … Read More

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