The Oscar Performance After The Oscar Performance ill Smith maintains that he slapped Chris Rock because he was “defending his wife’s honor.” From a comedian who was not attacking her honor. Merely joking about the movie GI JANE in relation to Jada’s bald head. Oh, but Jada has alopecia, which is hair-loss, narcissistically posting on every social media platform that … Read More
BRIGHT
Starting bright, ending dim. Looks like someone wanted to see an R-rated version of THE LORD OF THE RINGS. BRIGHT is written as if J.R.R. Tolkien lived in modern-day Los Angeles, with its gun culture and gangland crime and racism and fairies. If nothing else, BRIGHT is a semi-original idea (two cops saddled with protecting a girl on the run, … Read More
BAD BOYS
When it’s bad being Bad. Geez, I hope no one confuses the sex appeal and street-kewl of these Hollywood-ized detectives with the misinformed rednecks that are real cops. Too late… BULLITT (1968), DIRTY HARRY (1971, four sequels), THE SUPER COPS (1974), BEVERLY HILLS COP (1984, two sequels), LETHAL WEAPON (1987, three sequels), COPS (1989 TV series, 27 seasons and still … Read More
SEVEN POUNDS
Heavy. Seven deadly sins. Seven ways to win. Seven holy paths to hell And your trip begins… — Iron Maiden, Moonchild. When Will Smith gives you his heart, he REALLY gives you his heart… A love story that will disturb you. Now that’s more like it! But more than a love story. An emotional puzzle that won’t let you stop thinking … Read More
INDEPENDENCE DAY
The Arrogance of Independence. The most likely circumstance is that extraterrestrial beings will look nothing like any organisms or machines familiar to us. Extraterrestrials will be the product of billions of years of independent biological evolution, by small steps, each involving a series of tiny mutational accidents, on planets with very different environments from those that characterize Earth. — Carl … Read More
I AM LEGEND
Will Smith Saves The World – Again… Everyone on Earth is dead – but they left the CGI running. Will Smith is the “last man on Earth,” Robert Neville, tooling through abandoned, overgrown New York City streets, hunting antelope in a red sports car. It is the near future and a plague/virus has taken down humanity – not again! – … Read More
HANCOCK
Upping the Ante on Anti-Heroes. Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!… It’s a drunk. Mr. Fourth-of-July-Blockbuster (Will Smith) is HANCOCK (named after the epithet for signatures), endowed with all the powers of SUPERMAN, sans the gay … Read More
HITCH
Hitch Cock. This film needs a brain-frying dose of Tom Leykis (radio “professor” with strict set of dating tenets – “Leykis 101”: “Never spend more than $40 on dates; Three-date limit until tail; Never sleepover at your place; No gifts ever to booty calls and women you date; Do not change who you are for a woman; No weekend dates … Read More
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Dispiritying, Disheartenying, Distressying. THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS needs to take a Prozac. Relentlessly depressing, director Gabriele Muccino’s first English feature film is Inspired by a True Story – which only inspires nausea with their ubiquity these days – and though its intent is to be a “feel-good” movie, it goes awry in its execution, paying such sadistic detail to every … Read More
I, ROBOT
I, Gamebot. I, Human, even whilst viewing the first trailers of I, ROBOT, knew that They, 20th Century Fox, were destined to make Film, Botch-up. Sure enough, this movie bytes! Pounding home the sordid fact that Big Studios – as cookie-cutter idioms unto themselves – must morph any greed-driven, blockbuster-bent story from cerebral concept to popcorn-glutton whiz-bangery, I, ROBOT is … Read More