AIR FORCE ONE

Poffy The Cucumber

Air Force Dumb. Russians hijack the American President’s plane, AIR FORCE ONE! Oh my! Whatever is going to happen now? Can I have a serving of foregone conclusion with my helping of blockbuster actioner? Two great actors. One dumbass movie. Harrison Ford is American President James Marshall (because the name President Privileged Whiteman was taken), and Gary Oldman is Russian … Read More

DAS BOOT

Poffy The Cucumber

The Reich Stuff. Never has nothing happening been such compelling viewing. No debate, no discussion, no contenders – DAS BOOT is THE submarine movie for the ages. In autumn 1941, World War II U-Boat 96, crewed by young rowdy Germans, puts to sea with its veteran captain, wildly Teutonic Jürgen Prochnow, his eyes the color of eagle and high cheekbones … Read More

TROY

Poffy The Cucumber

The Achilliad. All bronzed bicep, leonine mane and CG soldiery, TROY is a glut-fest of regal posturing and battle-flavored man-stench. Coax golden-skinned, Bally-gymed Brad Pitt into a taut-buttocked mini-skirt for your movie, and Homer’s Iliad be damned. Compressing the backstory of the ten-year siege of Troy into one week, all deities, dogma and details are eschewed for ant-battles between computer … Read More